


Always One, Never Broken

by KatsudonLink



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alpha!Otabek, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, But only a little, Demisexual!Yuri, Demisexuality, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omegaverse, Slow Burn, Universe Building, a/b/o dynamics, omega!yuri, suppressants, world building
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-13 15:49:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9131152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatsudonLink/pseuds/KatsudonLink
Summary: Demisexual (adjective): A person who is sexually attracted to people only after a strong emotional bond has been formed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bother me on [tumblr](http://www.haikyoon.tumblr.com)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I just want to post this chapter to see if people like this idea and all of my world building (along with all the background I'm putting for Yuri.)!
> 
> I wanted to tackle the idea of different sexualities in Omegaverse and I chose demisexuality.
> 
> Kudos and Comments are love! I encourage feedback very very much. 
> 
> Rated Explicit for later chapters. 
> 
> \-- 
> 
> Before you guys try to assassinate me from the comments, I changed the age bracket of World Junior Figure Skating Championships and Junior Grand Prix to 11-15 when in reality Wikipedia tells me it's 13-19. In the anime Yuri is 15 when he joins the GPF so I think it's more appropriate this way.
> 
> Also just because Victor got a gold medal from age 23 to 27 doesn't mean he never got gold before that! He just got consistent gold medals after the age of 23.
> 
> Odorologist is something I made up, it's basically a doctor of odors, so scents. They check your scent and how your body reacts with scents. It's basically a secondary gender doctor.
> 
> Please be gentle if a minor detail doesn't line up with the canon, like their ages etc. I don't feel like it matters so much since I'm putting so many details in between them and may have had to change some things to improve my storyline.

"I have a reputation to uphold, Yuri. I have places to go, people to see."

Yuri remembers his mother saying one early evening. They are in her room. He is sitting on a red velvet chair with wooden framing, kicking it with the back of his feet after every swing. He is five years old and doesn't know what the word "reputation" means. 

His mother is looking at herself on the mirror, taking out a bobby pin with a pearl attached to the end of it from her high bun and then pushing it back in less than a inch away for what seems like to be the millionth time now.  

The room smells very floral and it's so heavy that Yuri feels a little dizzy. 

The little but very bright lightbulbs that go around her mirror illuminate his mother's face, but the light doesn't reach her back. Yuri looks into them but it hurts his eyes and then he keeps seeing little marks everywhere he looks for a few seconds. It's fun but only for a little while. 

"You know I can't take you to the skating ring every day. I simply do not have the time."  

Yuri can't help but want to throw a tantrum at her mother's words. He just saw Victor Nikiforov's Grand Prix program on television yesterday. Despite being only seventeen Victor got a gold medal and the more Yuri listened to the casters gush on and on about how clean Victor's first ever competitive Quadruple Flip was, the more his little eyes grew. The more his tiny heart swell. The more he longed to be on the ice. He decided that he wants to look on the ice like how watching Victor makes him feel.

He glares at her reflection on the mirror and his mother smiles in response. 

"I can go on my own." 

Yuri huffs out. He is a big boy now that he is five. He can do a lot of things alone - well he has to. He can make food for himself when the maid is asleep. He can tie his own shoes. He can even read himself a bedtime story now and only gets stuck a little. 

"Yuri, you're too young to be all alone on the street." 

His mother chimes, picking up a glass bottle with a pump attached to it. Yuri knows her mother has a billion of those bottles in her closet somewhere. The label has a circle on it but the down part of the circle is broken and the ends are turned away from it, forming two straight horizontal lines on the base. Other than that, the only words he understands on the label say "O-Scent."

She delicately squeezes the pump between her fingers and bares her throat for the mist that comes out of the bottle. 

Yuri coughs. 

"And the driver can't take me? The maid? The gardener?" 

Yuri tries. He is becoming desperate now but he tries not to raise his voice because his mother does not like that.  

"They all have their own jobs to do. I can't allow them to take time off for something you're going to grow out off in a few months. You have your ballet class, you should focus on that."

Yuri leans back, sprawling on the chair. He doesn't care if this wrinkles his clothes. He isn't going to 'grow out of it'. He loves skating, and it's so close to ballet too. Why couldn't he just do both? 

"What if grampa takes me?"  

He asks carefully, watching his mother's face sour at the words. It doesn't even look ugly when she does that because of all the paint she puts on. She even paints her neck with the colour of her own skin, which reminds Yuri that she doesn't have a mark there like all the other boys in his ballet class' mother's do. He doesn't really know why.

"No, Yuri. You already saw your grampa a lot this month."

His mother doesn't like grampa, he thinks. But he likes his grampa. He likes him a lot. Yuri has had a lot of dads but he's only had one grampa, something he was happy about. If he had as many grampas as he had dads then he would be making birthday drawings all year around! 

"He says I'm going to become famous one day. From skating. You know I landed my first Waltz Jump when he took me to the rink last week! He was so happy that afterwards he made me extra special pirozhkis." 

Her mother's sigh is heavy but Yuri can see her look into the mirror at herself and put on a fake smile. 

"Well, your grandfather has a lot of ideas and opinions. This doesn't mean all of them are true." 

She picks up her red lipstick and uncaps it.

"I thought I told him to stop letting you eat carbs. It's not going to do you any good."

Yuri frowns. He likes pirozhki a lot and could eat them forever. He hates it when his mother tells him he shouldn't eat them. His grampa never tells him to stop. Quite the opposite actually. He always smiles when Yuri's small hands reach for the second one, his dirty mouth still chewing the last remnants of his first.    

"There was a man who talked to grampa when we went out last week."

Yuri begins. This isn't something he wanted to tell his mother but he feels like he has no choice now.

"He said he was coaching, like coaching real professional skaters! He watched me skate and said he liked me. He said he wants to train me and I could represent all of Russia. Just like Victor Nikifirov!"

"Yuri."

For the first time his mother turns to him. Yuri meets her eyes reluctantly. He heard this speech one too many times.

"You are going to be an Omega. You will be weak, your heats will stop your training. You will give up before you are even halfway. You're just going to be wasting your time if you do this. An Omega's life is not what they can _do_ , it's about how they _look_."

Yuri clenches his teeth and pushes himself off the chair, landing on his feet. He is sick of this. He is so angry he wants to cry. He knows he shouldn't raise his voice but he can't help it.

"You're wrong! I can jump higher than any kid that skates with me! I'm going to be the best skater out there! I'm going to train everyday, I will even train past my bedtime! You'll see. One day I'm going to be even better than Victor Nikiforov!" 

He all but shouts. His mother looks at the red faced blond boy who is now panting. She lets out a small sigh and is silent for a few moments. It scares Yuri, but when she speaks again he can feel nothing but triumph. 

"Fine Yuri. I guess you need to make some decisions on your own in order to notice that they are the wrong ones."

Yuri gets a pair of black skates for Christmas. They are just like the ones Victor wore on his Grand Prix performance but his initials are on the side of both of them in silver. They are also lightly bedazzled with Swarovski crystals. 

Yuri doesn't care about any of that. 

When he takes his shoes off, he doesn't think about his mother.  

When he puts them on, he thinks about his grampa.  

When he ties his laces, he thinks about gold.

* * *

It all starts going wrong the year he presents. 

Of course there is nothing out of the ordinary at first. 

Yuri, at eleven -nearly twelve years old- presents as an Omega as the doctors suspected for as long as he can remember. 

He doesn't have a regular first heat like most Omegas that present do. It's more of just one morning his grandpa mentioning that he smells different.

The scent doesn't go away even when a Yuri very much in denial takes four showers in one day. The odorologist breaks him the _happy_ news the next day.

After this, some sort of celebration ensues, which Yuri knows is only an excuse for his mother to throw a party and show her new crystal chandelier and red carpeting to everyone she knows. 

It's okay. Yuri doesn't think his mother cares much about him. She is busy doing whatever she does all day and all night anyway.

He doesn't even live with her anymore. He hasn't for a few years. He goes to his grandpa's most of the time and spends the night there much more often than not. Almost all of his belongings and clothes are there. 

He isn't even sure his mother realises it. 

It doesn't matter. 

Even though he hoped he would present much later as this is the year of his Junior debut, Yuri planned this. He will be attending the World Junior Figure Skating Championship this year and he very much intends to win it. 

He knows what to do. He already talked to his grandpa about buying him heat suppressers a year ago since his mother is against suppressing heats. He has to be moved to an omega class in ballet from now on, but that doesn't bother him. If anything it makes him want to work harder . 

It wasn't like he got along with any of his classmates anyway, they were weak. They couldn't bend like he did. They didn't train as hard. 

The only person Yuri knew trained as hard as him was this boy who was in his class quite a few years ago. Then again, he had been older than Yuri and was held back probably because he couldn't bend like the rest. They never spoke or anything, Yuri didn't even know his name. He just knew that the boy watched him sometimes, probably out of jealousy. Yuri would quite often be showered with praises by his teachers when he was smaller. 

Their only interaction had been when Yuri had dropped his juice box during break time once, spilling it on the floor. The boy had wordlessly gave him his own. After that Yuri started looking back at him sometimes, but a week later he was simply gone from the class. 

There's so many people in the room. 

Yuri doesn't like that. He actually doesn't like anyone, he finds out during the last few years. He can tolerate one or two people, and he only truly loves his grandpa. Apart from that he just prefers being alone really. He doesn't have time to be social when he could be stretching or practicing.

What's more annoying is that has to stand on his feet and even after his mother pokes him for the sixth time, he doesn't smile at the people he is introduced to. There is only a few months until the season starts and he feels like he can't even afford to be here right now if he wants gold. He could be trying to land his Triple Salchow more cleanly, or work on his step sequence instead of all of this. 

He sees Alphas a few years older than him pass by, all wearing suits despite their age. He actually knows some of them from his ballet class. Yuri knows for a fact that almost all of them hate him with a passion, so he can't really understand why they bothered to show up. He had no interest in talking to them for the entirety of their class, even during brakes, so why would he want to talk to them now?

When his mother eventually disappears into the crowd, Yuri relaxes a bit. He settles on a couch in the corner of the room, pushing an earphone in and starting the music of his short program for the season. He mentally plays the moves in his head, trying to remember the tips his coach gave him yesterday. This is the best he can do at the moment since his mother would be furious if he left. It's not like he cares about that, but his coach's payment is soon and Yuri rathers his mother not cutting him off right now.

What bothers Yuri even more than that is how he eventually comes to realise how people are looking at him. Their eyes momentarily go on him and then back at whoever they were talking, a small tut on their lips. It was as if he was meant to be doing something that he obviously wasn't. Whatever. It didn't take long for Yuri to ignore all of them by raising the volume of the piece on his iPod. It's a Russian ballad that his coach picked for him. This season they are going for a "Pride of the Motherland" theme as his coach thinks he has a good chance of gaining a lot of national support. 

It doesn't take long for his peace to be disturbed even more though. There is a small group of Alphas near where he is sitting, all looking at him, then looking away again. They are just standing there like they are expecting something to happen. 

Yuri gives them a confused yet disturbed look before he gets up and finds himself looking down at the food on the buffet. There is a strong smell coming from somewhere but it doesn't smell like food. 

_ Step Sequence, twirl, Ina Bauer, Spread Eagle into Triple Salchow... _

His thoughts are interrupted when someone taps on his shoulder, making him reluctantly turn around. A red headed Alpha from his ballet class looks at him expectantly. Yuri sees his mouth move but he can't hear the words. With great patience, he removes one of his earphones.

"What do you want?"

The Alpha smiles confidently at that and starts speaking again.

"Hello. I'm Andrei."

Yuri lowers his brows. He can't think of a reason why after four years of being in the same ballet class he is trying to talk to him.

"Okay. And?"

The Alpha shrugs softly.

"I was wondering if you would...want to dance? You're very beautiful." 

Yuri blinks dumbly for a few times before he squints.  

"No." 

He replies curtly before he turns around again. What he doesn't notice is another Alpha that is waiting on the other side of him.

This one doesn't beat around the bush though.

"Hey. Do you like my scent? I think yours is very nice."

The Alpha laughs awkwardly, leaning into Yuri's personal space.

"Like...really nice." 

Yuri takes a step back, his hips hit the buffet table. The music on his iPod stops and switches to another track. Yuri removes his other earphone and turns away from the both of them.

He only manages to take two steps before his mother appears before him. She smiles at all the young Alphas trying to talk to Yuri. 

"Are you making friends, Yuri?"

Yuri swallows and looks away. 

"No. I'd very much like to leave." 

Her mother purses her lips.

"Now now. You can have a little fun Yuri. A little scenting never hurt anybody. I'm sure you're just a little... _excited_ noticing how lovely Alpha scents are for the first time. There's nothing to be ashamed of." 

Yuri shakes his head softly. He isn't excited. He isn't excited at all. He can smell the Alphas, yes, but nothing is really new about that. They smell exactly the same to him as before. The scent is just that, a scent. It doesn't make him feel anything special.  

The only thing new is how people, how Alphas, are looking at him now. Like he is a piece of raw bloody meat and they are all lions who are starving.  

Yuri isn't completely unaware of the whole secondary gender deal. Like any other person, he learned about them in school. He is meant to attract Alphas with his scent, and in return find their scent enticing as well. He is meant to feel secure with Alphas. Like he is cherished. Then he finds an Alpha he likes, who happens to like him back. The Alpha bites him, they bond, have babies and live happily ever after. This stupid story is something he heard a million times.

Now that he presented, his face is suppose to burn with a blush at the attention. He is meant to want to bare his throat at their scent. He is meant to want to _bend over_. 

Right now though, he feels anything but those feelings. He is downright terrified as a matter of the fact. His whole body feels cold and clammy. He can't think of anything he wants less than any of their paws on him. 

He doesn't feel loved, he feels hunted. 

He can't throw himself out fast enough.

* * *

A day later, he arrives home from practice. His grandpa's home that is. He couldn't imagine calling that empty mansion home anymore. 

Home is somewhere he is happy to be and he is always happy to be in his grandpa's house. 

The smell of frying pirozhkis instantly hit him as he opens to door. He is tired, he had school until three, ballet until six and then skating practice until nine. He never complains about his schedule though sometimes it's quite rough on him and his body. It's especially trying when Yuri hears his coach tell him he should take a break from trying jumps, saying he is a bit _delicate_. Of course this makes Yuri try jumps for another two hours.

Though today the reason why Yuri trained extra hard is because he has a lot on his mind. After yesterday his mother wants him to see his odorologist for a check-up, something Yuri is definitely dreading.  

Seeing the familiar decor and hearing the sizzle that is coming from the kitchen relaxes him quicker than he thinks though. It doesn't take long for Yuri to drop his bag, take off his shoes and enter the kitchen.

"You can have as many as you want." His grandpa says as he sets the plate down in front of him on the table and Yuri knows he can't but it's his decision to stop. He isn't told he can't have it and that's what makes this place better than anywhere in the world. 

Yuri calmly sits and pushes his hair back. He has a short bowl cut- something his coach said that would make him look more endearing to the audience. Yuri doesn't mind much.

"I landed my first quad today." 

Yuri says to his grandpa, who is back at the oven. His grandpa quickly turns around with the biggest smile under his moustache. It makes Yuri feel warm enough that he can feel his fingers again, previously almost frozen solid after having to walk outside in the cold Moscow night for a while. 

"Yurotchka, I'm so proud of you." 

And his grandpa doesn't even have to say anything for Yuri to feel that. He knows how proud his grandpa is of him and it's something he will cherish for the rest of his life. 

He faintly remembers how his mother reacted to the news of him landing his first jump ever, his first Waltz Jump. Or rather how his mother didn't react to it.

"My coach said I couldn't do it yet and I knew I could so I kept trying even if he was telling me to stop. He told me how even twenty-something Omegas aren't expected to land more than one Quad in their program."

And it's true. It isn't unheard of Omegas to land more than one Quad but it just isn't expected from them. This is why the Alpha to Omega ratio on the Grand Prix winner list is always so heavily on the Alpha's favor.

This is a problem that a lot of people fought over for years. Over the years there were countless suggestions of doing a separate Omega and Alpha Singles instead of Men's Singles or just giving Omegas more points for landing quads but they were all shot down endlessly.

His presentation is already good but the technical points, he thinks, is something that should be a given. He intends to get gold his first year on his Senior Grand Prix and that requires him to land quads without even thinking.

Victor Nikiforov is now 23 years old and he is still a rising star. He has been placing for as long as Yuri can remember and he is heavily predicted to win gold this season after winning silver because of .02 points last year. Though this wouldn't be Victor's first gold on the Grand Prix. 

In any case Yuri knows he still can't use Quads in competitions for a few years. Not until he makes his senior debut. 

But Yuri can't explain how he feels when for the first time he gets in enough rotations and lands without falling on his ass. Of course it isn't a flawless Quadruple Victor Fucking Nikiforov Flip and Yuri _barely_ sticks the landing as it is but he doesn't care. It gives him so much hope. 

Quads are incredibly difficult, but Yuri wants the world to know he is even more difficult. 

* * *

With a belly full of pirozhkis, Yuri eventually finds himself walking back to his room. He is definitely ready for a good night's sleep after the day he had. He really can't count how many times he fell trying to do that Quad even if he tried. Even moving an inch resonates pain in his entire body.

Once in, he gazes at himself from the full body mirror that's in the corner of his room. It's very old but the flawlessly gold covered wooden frame is beautifully carved. There isn't a single crack, a spec of dust or a smudge on it. It used to be grandma's mirror and grandpa still takes care of it like she is alive.

When Yuri was smaller, he heard countless tales about this mirror. He told him how his late grandma's ancestors were Russian royalty. He told him how his grandma's mother used to live in a beautiful white and gold palace when she was just a little girl. He told him how they had to hide after the revolution so they wouldn't be killed. 

In some stories his grandpa told him how they carried the mirror on a horse while everyone else just walked beside it, ruining their beautiful clothes with mud and snow just so the precious artefact does not get harmed. He told him how they all put their coats on the mirror to keep it safe from the elements even though that meant that they may die from the cold. 

In some stories, he told him how they carefully carried the mirror for kilometers over a frozen solid Lake Ladoga on their shoulders in the harsh snow. He told him that this is the story of how Russians invented ice skating- something that always made Yuri giggle as a kid. 

In some stories he told him how his grandma was stopped by a stranger working in an antique shop on the street one day and asked if she has royal blood. He told him how the man found his grandma and her scent so beautiful that he gifted him the mirror. In some stories his grandpa is the stranger.  

Thinking back, Yuri knows all of these stories _probably_ aren't true but he still can't help but believe this mirror is special- and that his grandma was something special. Much like he is.

Something he grew up hearing with was how his grandpa thought he had his grandma's emerald eyes and her persistent and undying soul. Something, his grandpa says, his dad also had. His dad, who was a soldier, a fighter pilot in fact. His dad who refused to get married or even bond with Yuri's mother because he knew that it would be too cruel. Yuri's father was _never_ home and _always_ in the sky. Yuri knew all of that now even when his mother refused to tell him all of this for years. Yuri knows his plane got shot down one day when he was just one years old, leaving his mother as an unbonded single mother with a very very modest income.

Once he looks back into the mirror, he half smiles at himself. He digs his lithe fingers into his short blond hair silently.

He is proud to be a Plisetsky and he can feel that once more when he looks at himself.  

Without thinking much, he starts to shed his clothes for his shower. The only noise in the room is him unzipping his coat, then the contact the piece of clothing makes with the floor.

Once all of his clothes but his underwear are on the floor, Yuri looks at himself again. There are red marks on his legs and an angry purple bruise on his hip. He presses his finger on it experimentally before he winces with the pain. He remembers exactly which fall caused this particular mark on his body. 

He looks at himself calmly. He is thin, lithe and short. His body has rounds where he needs there to be corners. He sees his Alpha competitors grow in strength in a rate that he can only imagine. He hates this train of thought but he can't help start thinking that maybe if he was an Alpha, his body wouldn't be so delicate. Yes, presentation points-wise it's definitely in his favour to be aesthetically pleasing but maybe he wouldn't even have to try half as many times before he can do Quads if he just had a different secondary gender. With how good he is doing now, he can only imagine how much better he would be if he didn't have all of these things keeping him back.

In the back of his head he thinks faintly about his mother. His mother who won't stop trying to get all the Alpha attention on her. He figures, maybe because his dad didn't bite him...maybe that's why his mother is like the way she is now. She feels undesired, maybe she thinks his dad disliked her so much that even though he gave her a baby, he didn't give her a commitment. So she became a gold digger. Maybe only to take care of Yuri first. Definitely just to get attention later.   

Yuri will be damned if he will ever live his life like her. Dependant on attention. Dependant on Alphas, or even just one. Dependant on anyone but himself.

He may be an Omega physically but in his mind, he is so far from the stereotype that it feels like a cruel joke. He does not understand the appeal of having an Alpha partner at all- and the tightening in his stomach at the thought of him _needing_ one, one that may  _leave him_ , it makes him feel absolutely nauseous. 

That's when he realises the white plastic bottle on his desk, right next to a glass of water prepared for him.

Yuri absolutely cannot run fast enough to hug his grandpa.

This is, of course, after he downs his first heat suppressant.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not %100 happy about this chapter but I've been working on it for a very long time and I want to post it already. 
> 
> I would appreciate your feedback :)

Yuri is twelve years old with one World Junior Figure Skating Championship under his belt.

He performs with a burning desire to win. He is an Omega alright, but he misses one maybe two jumps. His timing is impeccable. He moves in a way he never moved before and yet deep down he knows this isn't the best he can do, he can tell exactly where he needs to improve. 

When he is posing after his last free skate program though, the taste in his mouth, the sweat on his body, his fluttering heartbeat and the ringing in his ears- they create a feeling that Yuri cannot get enough of.

He wins gold by almost twenty five whole points.

Yuri knows that he is the best skater around his age where he trains and sincerely hoped he would meet someone better during the competition, someone that will challenge him. Watching his rivals skate however, he starts to realise that he actually doesn't need to train as hard as he does to win. His coach doesn't tell him this, but Yuri thinks he feels the same way. 

He gives the camera a half smile and a wave. He hears the casters speaking as he is moving out of the rink. This time it is him that is showered with praise by the casters. They all tell him he is a rising star and they are damn right. Russia loves Yuri. The cheering crowd is still in his ears. 

Yet he and his gold medal are all alone in his hotel room that night.

Yuri's grandpa doesn't come to watch him since the final is in Milan that year. He can't even watch the competition on television- something that makes Yuri more upset than he cares to admit. It, however, does not stop him from performing for his grandpa. 

His grandpa isn't well off. Not like how his mother is now. He is retired and he gets about enough money to feed a person and a half. Most of the time, Yuri buys groceries on his way back with his allowance (which is way too high for a twelve year old anyway) and even though his grandpa says it's unnecessary, Yuri knows it isn't.  

The television in his grandpa's house has been broken for a long while, longer than Yuri can remember really. It's old, very old, like everything else in his house. Flat screen televisions are making their debut and the television in grandpa's house doesn't even have a remote.

When he asks, his grandpa simply says he prefers to read. He says he doesn't miss watching television, Yuri doesn't ask if he doesn't want to watch him compete, because he knows he does. It's obvious to him that his grandpa does not have enough money to get it fixed or buy a new one.

But he is infinitely supportive in any other way he can be. He makes sure to pick Yuri up from the airport with a paper bag of pirozkhis that Yuri can tell he desperately tried to keep warm. He accepts them gratefully regardless of their temperature.

It's not long before Yuri tries to reach for his medal to show it off. He wants to see the look of surprise on his grandpa's face but he is stopped before he can take it out of his bag.

Yuri listens to his grandpa chuckle, then pat his shoulder encouragingly. His green eyes meet the man with the moustache and he listens to him speak.

"You don't need to take it out Yurotchka."

Yuri's looks up to his grandpa with big eyes. This man who Yuri knows didn't watch the competition. This man who he knows doesn't have any friends to ask about it ever since grandma died. This man who he knows doesn't even know how to turn on Yuri's computer let alone use it. This man tells him.

"I know you won gold."

Yuri's mother doesn't even call.

The only acknowledgement(?) from her is the amount of money Yuri sees in his bank account the next week when he tries to draw money from an ATM. The money he got, it's definitely much higher than his allowance. 

The only thing that makes him smile as he stares at the low quality screen, reading the number next to the word "Balance" over and over again, is the fact that his grandpa will be watching his competitions in high definition from now on. 

* * *

Yuri sees his mother a few weeks later and it's only because of the cavity he eventually gets from all the gummies he stuffs his face with in between practices when he doesn't have time for real food. The  he has been ignoring for a few months because he knows his grandpa can't take him to get it filled since he can't pay for it- and that means he has to ask his mother. He holds off on it until it smarts every time he starts eating, even though he tries to chew on the other side of his mouth. 

He is definitely dreading the day he is going to get his filling. It's not that he is _afraid_ of dentists. It's not anything like that. He isn't a little kid after all. He fell one too many times on the ice over the years to be afraid of a little pain.

It's just that Yuri knows the only reason why his mother is so ecstatic when she learns about his problem is because at one point in his life, his dentist was one of the Alphas that his mother brought home.

The cab ride there is filled with a steady clicking noise coming from his mother's Blackberry that is even louder than the music that is coming out of his earphones.

The secretary of his dentist smiles at the sight of Yuri. She doesn't wait to congratulate him on his win and even gives him a piece of candy from her purse on the condition that he won't tell his dentist. It's a small gesture but Yuri almost smiles. 

His mother however, is already gone when he turns around. 

He looks away when he eventually spots her hugging his dentist for a little too long for it to be casual. Yuri can tell from the way the tip of his ears go red that she emptied a bottle of O-Scent on herself again. 

The Russian boy drags his feet his dentist's office.

He gets a small greeting and his dentist actually manages to ask what the problem is before his mother starts to intervene. He really tries to ignore the way his mother talks endlessly about some dinner party she was in last night while thinking about the music of his new short program.

He is half sitting, half lying down on the patient chair, trying to find something interesting on the plain white ceiling when the word "cavity" finally comes out of her mouth. It's been fifteen minutes since they entered, and it's only after the third time she is asked. Yuri thinks this is definitely progress.

His mother still keeps interrupting his dentist when he is trying to explain the procedure to him.

From what he can make out though, Yuri understands that now that he has presented, instead of the usual anaesthetic shot he will be administered with a steady stream of synthetic Alpha scent through tubes placed in his nose.

Yuri is coming to realise how many changes there are now that he presented and he can't help but resent ever single one of them. 

His doctor tells him for Omegas, Alpha scent is a natural painkiller and muscle relaxant. The scent is suppose to keep him calm and make him feel safe, basically making pain be virtually unnoticeable. This will make the whole procedure be done smoothly before he even knows it.

Yuri averts his eyes when there is mention of that he may get slightly aroused because of it. 

That would be interesting, he thinks. Yuri really isn't much for the whole sex thing. He can count with two hands how many times he masturbated until now. 

The tubes tickle his nose. He wrinkles it and tries to relax under the big shining light. There is a little squeaking sound from his side, indicating that the gas started flowing. Within a few seconds, Yuri can clearly smell it.

It's quite sharp. He can tell it's synthetic but it does resemble the real thing. It's pleasant but it's more like what an Alpha deodorant smells like. Yuri knows it isn't unheard of for Omegas to buy Alpha deodorants and spray it in their room when they are in heat- or just very lonely. It's a familiar scene to him, an Omega peeking in the Alpha deodorants section. He's seen that classic set-up of trying to imply how lonely an Omegas is one too many times in stupid sit-coms and movies. 

Yuri closes his eyes as he hears his dentist start his drilling tool, the small tube to gather his spit already placed in his mouth. It's loud but his mother is louder. Yuri can still make out her words, she is talking about her summer vacation plans- something that obviously doesn't include Yuri.    

The tool in his mouth, Yuri tries to just breathe the scent in. The pressure on his tooth is very unpleasant, but the scent,iIt's suppose to relax him right? He does feel his body relaxing a bit, though yesterday's practice is probably to blame. Yuri isn't someone who completely listens when his coach tells him he physically can't land a Quad Lutz yet. Impossibility is something that doesn't exist in his vocabulary. It was _impossible_ for him to win gold at Junior Worlds as well and yet here he was. 

His thoughts are very quickly interrupted when he felt his body jolt to the side, a sharp pang of pain in his mouth following. The scream that rips out of his throat finally shuts his mother up. 

He feels something warm and liquid in his mouth. He is faintly aware that it's blood, and the whole left side of his head is aching with pain. His jolting obviously caused the tool to scrape his gums because it fucking _hurts_. 

He could see the confusing in his dentist's face as he ups the gas.

"You felt that?"

Yuri can only groan back in response. His eyes are squeezed, there is a steady ache around his teeth. No matter how much his dentist ups the scent after that, Yuri can't stop trembling from pain.

He can smell nothing but the Alpha scent but he feels absolutely _nothing_. 

* * *

After that Yuri can't keep his mother from taking him to see his odorologist for his check-up anymore. 

The talk between his doctor and his mother is long and exhausting.

Yuri is sitting on the patient bed while listening to them go on about some test result. It's incredible how childish this makes him feel. Everything else in his life is steadily going to opposite way. Of all the times he feels childish is when he isn't a child anymore. 

Even small things have changed. Now that he presented, Yuri doesn't get to choose a piece of candy from the huge glass bowl when he gets his blood drawn. It's not that big of a deal or anything, it's not like he is limited to it. He can go buy his own candy now, he can buy bags and bags of it without anyone saying anything about it- but just the idea that he isn't allowed to do something that he is so used to doing is really odd to him. He finds himself being annoyed by this greatly, he knows he is grown enough to be over such things.  

Though still he can't help but remember how he used to actually like going to the doctor just because of these little things. Like the amount of plush toys in the office of his old doctor. The colourful posters and pictures on the wall of smiling children. How he would hold his breath and stay as steady as possible while the doctor measured his height. 

He would always be brave for his shots, even though his mother wouldn't be holding his hand as she would be too busy being on her phone, or not even being there. His doctor would say, that just meant his mother believed that he could be extra brave. It was something that always made him smile inwardly. Eventually when his gradnpa started taking him to the doctor, he wouldn't even ask to hold hands since he knew he was brave. He would feel ever-triumphant when he didn't cry and stick his tongue out at the kids in the waiting room who did.   

There was no one to stop him from doing that anyway. His mother would usually would be outside having a phone conversation and Yuri would have to wait until his mother was back so she could unhook his coat from the stand. His grandpa would give him a disapproving look but then laugh afterwards, giving him a short pat on the head. 

Yuri looks down at his shoes. Now that he thinks about it, it's odd that his mother is there now actually, talking so attentively with his doctor. Her phone isn't even in her hand. She seems slightly worried and for the first time it's not about whether she'll be able to make it to the hair salon in time. 

The doctor's eyes fall on him and Yuri bites the inside of his cheek. He pushes the strand of hair in front of his eye away, noticing he is due a haircut. 

"Yuri, are you sexually active?"

Yuri purses his lips and looks away. He can't even understand why she would ask that. There is no way Yuri would do something of the sort. He doesn't even want to kiss an Alpha much less be naked with one. Besides he is just twelve. Much to his fortune, his mother quickly replies negatively for him. His doctor marks something on her clipboard.

"When was your last heat?"

Yuri widens his eyes at the question. He never had a heat before and that was very very much on purpose. He just couldn't deal with his heat getting in the way of his training. But of course as with everything a bunch of assholses who are anti-suppressants and believe the only way an Omega could lead a healthy life is by experiencing regular heats make sure to show themselves on television every now and then and try to prove their thoughts scientifically. To his misfortune, his mother very much happens to be one of those people.

Yuri understands her mother's approach but that doesn't mean he agrees with it. For her mother being an Omega is a blessing. For her, Omegas are precious creatures that should be worshipped and taken care of. According to Yuri, that thought is bullshit. He is number one proof that Omegas don't need to be taken care of and he'll be damned if he ever becomes anything less. 

The question still lingers in the air uncomfortably. Yuri tries to not look as anxious as he is feeling and hopes his mother would just pretend to remember and make up a date. 

He waits for a few very long and painful seconds for an answer that never comes. He watches his mother open her mouth to reply and then shortly notice that she doesn't know the answer. It's something that makes his heart clench painfully in his chest. She squints her eyes and looks over at Yuri as if trying to remember. She is raking her brain for a piece of information that isn't there.

This isn't good.

This isn't good at all.

"Oh I see. So...suppressants?"

Yuri is defeated. He can't lie to his doctor about this. He really doesn't want to get in trouble, and he really _really_ doesn't want them to take his suppressants away but he can't keep information like this away from his doctor. If there is something wrong with him, that's even worse. He needs to be in healthy to keep competing, he needs to be in top shape to win gold again. And again. 

Both of their gazes are burning into him. His eyes are strictly away from either of them when he absently nods. 

All hell breaks loose after that.  

* * *

Afterwards there is just a lot of X-Rays and MRIs and needles being poked into him in a hospital he's never been in. It's very big and white and smells very much of what Yuri guesses sterile smells like. He feels like he entered every room in the damn hospital to get something or other checked and all he can think about is how he missed another day of training. It's offseason now and Yuri damn well knows he doesn't need to start super training yet but those Quads won't do themselves. It's apparently out of the question for him to leave, however. The consensus (more like what his mother thinks the consensus is) is that his suppressants "messed with his biology" somehow since he took them at a very early age and they rendered him unable to get attracted to scents.

Whatever. If that is what happened, _good_. It just means he has less handicaps until they take his suppressants away. He'll find a way to get them back the moment they stop looking his way.

With a box of chocolate milk he got from the vending machine downstairs in his hand, Yuri almost opens the door of the doctor's office before he hears something.

"There isn't anything unusual with him."

"Fix my son. Right now."

"Ma'am, how can we fix it when there is nothing wrong with him? We can only advice he goes off suppressants and see how he is afterwards. There is absolutely nothing wrong with his test results."

"You need to run them again. There _must_ be something wrong. You must have missed it. Look again."

"We already checked four times. There isn't anything wrong with him. Have you ever considered the possibility that this is just how he is?" 

The silence hurts Yuri's bones, but what he hears after that is somehow even worse. His mother speaks like she is talking to customer service about an item that malfunctioned too early. 

"My son...are you saying that he is broken? _"_

Yuri never forgets the moment he hears his mother say that.

* * *

After his mother takes away his suppressants, Yuri can't even go to his grampa and get more. He knows his mother will check his heat cycle. He has to live through this heat if he wants his mother off his back. Lying about not being able to heave heats would just make things worse at this point. He just needs to accept that he will go through this heat and do his best to keep his sanity. He tries to mentally prepare himself for what he is going to feel and how to delete it from his system as soon as he can. 

If what he heard by now about heats is any indication, he is going to be _begging_ for a partner- an Alpha. Begging in the most literal sense of the word. He makes many silent promises to himself late at night, all about how he will never beg an Alpha for _anything_ in his entire life. 

It takes two days until his body gives up. After the first bout of hot flashes, he spends a whole _week_ stuck in his room. No matter how much he tries he can't get out. He stops trying after a few hours anyway.

At first it's all screams and banging on the door. His eyes sting with tears just from just how angry he is. It's a horrible feeling, trying your best and failing. His face and his knuckles are bright red from his protests, his throat is hoarse. He is missing practice. Everything is going to absolute shit and Yuri is living the one feeling he hates the most, helplessness. Though this doesn't stop him from trying. 

After a while, he feels his hands start moving slower and slower despite how hard he is trying. The sharp banging on the thick wood door becomes soft thuds that eventually come to be inaudible noise. He can't scream as loud because he grows out of breath his vision gets blurry so easily. Dizziness feels like it's just a part of his state of being now. 

He ends up leaning towards the door and before he knows it, he is sliding onto the cool floor, trying not to swallow his pride. The temperature of the wooden floor feels pleasant against his hands and eventually he lies down, pressing his cheek onto it. It's disgusting. His whole body is trembling and he just wants to disappear into thin air but it's too early to give up yet.

He thinks, it's just this once. He'll have this one heat and then _never_ again. He will lie about it if he has to. It's not like his mother is going to notice it anyway. He's just going to become "fixed" after having his heat and then never have to live through this ever again.

He swallows as he pushes his fingers into his damp blond hair. There's something painful in the way this whole thing feels like his mother just wanting him to suffer.  

He ends up sitting on the floor, looking at his room with cloudy eyes. There is furniture in it, of course, but apart from that there is no sign of life in it. He doesn't live in this room anymore. Only bad feelings are associated with where he currently is, and it does nothing to improve his mood. 

It doesn't take him long to realise just how much he is burning under his clothes. He's been feeling quite warm for a while now but now the fact that he is wearing something over his skin is physically paining him. A few seconds of debating later, all of his clothes to end up on the floor. He very pointedly ignores how soaked his underwear is as he throws it as far as he can across the room. It lands very fast from how sodden it is. It's so uncomfortable that Yuri would try to wipe it all away if he didn't know any better. It would be replaced in a minute tops.  

Lying the floor again, Yuri's eyes are still brimmed with unshed tears. 

He isn't going to cry.

He doesn't want to move to the bed because somehow that makes it real. Like this is all happening. He can continue to try to ignore it as long as he can on the floor. He can take it, he isn't a pink Omega princess that needs to be cuddled with silk sheets. The harsh feeling of the wooden floor feels like it's keeping him grounded. At the back of his mind, he asks himself would he be able to get up even if he wanted to?

It's the first time Yuri is actually noticing that he has a body is its own entity- that he isn't just his mind. Before this he always thought that his body was just something that performed what he thought, like a jump or a spin. Now his body is no longer just a tool for him. There is no disconnect between his physical self and mind. His body is very much in charge and Yuri is not happy about this at all. It scares him to think that his mind won't be able to control his body. 

He wants to resist it all so badly. He promised himself over and over again that he won't succumb to bodily desires like this. He doesn't want to want an Alpha, he doesn't want to _anyone_. He doesn't even let himself feel or think anything of the sort because if he thinks about one little thing, if he acknowledges for even a second that he may be feeling even a little bit better right now if there was someone, namely an Alpha with him hey may completely lose it. It's even worse than qualifying for the Grand Prix Final and then coming in last.  

Even though it's a battle Yuri promised he won't lose but his body has so many different ideas. Even lying on the cold floor, Yuri's body is absolutely _boiling_. He stares at the ceiling, knowing he is steadily becoming hard. He solemnly accepts that this will be his life for the next five to seven days. 

Without thinking, he wraps his long fingers around his aching length, giving himself a squeeze. The pleasure he gets from is makes his entire body shiver and yet it's not even nearly enough to stop the need that is going through his whole body. It's not just that he wants to come, he feels physically empty. 

That part of him was something that had been quite off-limits for Yuri until now. Even if he thought about it, Yuri never pushed his fingers inside of him. It feels demeaning, it's like accepting he is lesser somehow. He tries, he really does but the sensation of gentle stretching around his finger is so amazing that it momentarily makes him forget all about his concerns. The second finger makes him forget where he is. The third makes him forget his name. 

He only eventually comes back when his wrist his aching from moving so much and yet Yuri is still shuddering with need. He can't possibly fill himself as much as his body wants just with his fingers and it's a very sad realisation that he ignores until he can't anymore.

There is a "care box" next to his bed.  Much to his embarrassment, his mother puts it there before locking him in. There is all sorts of stuff in it, stuff that is suppose to help him get through his heat. If his body wasn't screaming at him, Yuri would never even come close it.

The box falls open and Yuri's face somehow goes even redder. There are a lot of stuff in there, like knotted dildos, lubricant (for if his body can't produce enough after a while), there is even this weird glass bottle that Yuri just discards to the side without reading the label. He is too far gone to try to focus on small words and actually read them.   

Only after he shoves the knotted dildo deep inside him does he mindlessly start thinking about being knotted by an Alpha. There are some pleasant thoughts behind it physically. It feels good to be filled. Scratch that, _good_ is the understatement of the century. The painfully sweet stretch the knot causes in him is shatteringly incredible but...it's not a sensation he can't get by just using what he has deep inside him now. Yuri doesn't want to be cuddled. He doesn't want to be scented. He can't think of anyone in the world he wants to be next to him now. He doesn't need an Alpha. He doesn't...want an Alpha. No, he _literally_ doesn't...want...

It's a realisation that he should have come to before, but it hits him like a train regardless. Here he is, in heat, the most needy his body can ever be. He should be craving Alpha scents right now. He should be yearning for a touch. He thinks back to all the scents he ever smelled and it does nothing to him. His cock doesn't twitch the way it should. His hole doesn't push out more slick than it normally does. He isn't... _aroused_ by Alphas. Or Betas. Or Omegas. He still doesn't react to their scent like he should. His body, just like his mind, doesn't _want_ anyone. 

This is amazing. It's like a gift that has ascended from the heavens. Yuri's body is free of stupid things, like want, forever. He doesn't need to obey the whim of his hormones at any point in his life. He is perfectly capable of living like an odd Beta as long as he takes his suppressants. He can hide this and just be done with his secondary gender for the rest of his life.

He never needs to find a partner. Get married. Have kids. 

He doesn't want a partner. Marriage is gross. He hates kids.

Yet there is still a knot in his throat that he can't push down. 

Yuri stops for a while, carefully removing the dildo. It's so wet that it makes him grimace. He is in between waves, so his mind is working much faster. His vision is no longer hazy, he is crashing onto this realisation faster than he can handle it.

If he is so happy about not being affected by Alphas...then why isn't he _actually_ happy about it?

His eyes meet the label of the bottle he discarded to the side. It's a brown glass bottle and the label clearly reads "Genuine Alpha Pheromones". They were probably extracted from some Alpha who needed money. This is a luxury item for Omegas in heat, even one bead of this stuff costs a fortune. 

Well. Does he really not want Alphas? Is it just his suppressants fucking with his nature? He can find out now.

He gets up on his feet clumsily and reaches for the bottle. For a while he just sits on his bed looking down at it, moving it from hand to hand, feeling the liquid inside it slosh around. His fingers are trembling but that's easy to ignore.

It will only take him a second to learn what he wants to learn- but he isn't sure if he _actually_ wants to learn it. 

He rubs his eyes with his clean hand, taking a deep breath. He is a Plisetsky. He can do this. It doesn't really change anything anyway, does it? He is still Yuri Plisetsky. He still has his gold medal. He still has his stupid mother and loving grandpa. He still loves pirozhkis and hates spicy food. He can still stretch farther than anyone in his ballet class. He can still land a clumsy Quad once every five (or ten) times he tries to. He still prefers being alone at home on his computer than going outside with people he can barely stand. He is still just him.

He unscrews the lid carefully and brings it to his nose without letting himself hesitate. Right before he takes a deep breath, he realises he already knows the answer he is going to get- but he does it anyway. 

...

He should be happy. 

He should be _overjoyed_. 

He doesn't know what the doctors will say but there is no doubt in his mind about what he feels- or doesn't feel. 

Tears start streaming down his cheeks. 

He is broken. 


End file.
